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How Do You Exorcise a Blog?

06 May

When I started this blog I decided on a few things ahead of time. First was that this was going to be pretty much exclusively Medieval. Second was that I wasn’t going to bore people with details of my daily life – I’m not that interesting. Plus I have a bunch of people I see every day and it’s one of my joys to bore them with details of my life – I’m afraid to dilute that by boring blog readers too. But now a situation’s come up that I think I need Internet-savvy people to help me with.

A few weeks ago – April 10 to be exact – I stuck a counter on this blog. Partly just from curiosity, partly because I’d made several fairly lengthy posts and if I was going to keep that going I wanted to make sure someone was reading. I was pretty happy to find that yes, people were reading my blog – at the rate of about 25 hits per day.

I also signed up for a monthly blog report. My shock came on May 1 when I received this:

Monthly Stats Report: 1 Apr – 30 Apr 2010

Project: Medieval History Geek

URL: http://medievalhistorygeek.blogspot.com/

 

Page
Loads

Unique
Visitors

First
Time Visitors

Returning
Visitors

Total

666

330

234

96

Average

22

11

8

3

Notice the number of page loads in April?

I’d like to think this is a sign that April is an evil month. There’s a lot of evidence to support this. The IRS comes after Americans on April 15, I have to pay my property taxes in April, my car registrations are due in April which is another hit to the personal treasury – but I’m afraid that isn’t it.

Satan has entered my blog.

I need a little help here – how do I get him/her/it out?

I don’t have a lot of stuff on demonology here. I looked at Valerie Flint’s The Rise of Magic in the Early Middle Ages, a couple of books by Kieckhefer and The Malleus Maleficarum. Nothing about getting a demon out of a computer – or the Internet, or wherever a blog is supposed to “exist.” I can get my hands on a translation of the The Acts of Peter but I’m not sure that will give me a lot of guidance on battling evil in the digital age though I think it’s possible that Simon Magus had a hand in developing Windows Vista. I have a lot of Vitas/Vitae here – don’t recall Athanasius recounting Antony’s battle with evil electrons either.

I believe this is definitive proof that the Devil follows the Internet – and for some reason he’s settled into my blog, or at least sent one of his helpers. I don’t want to see the same numbers at the end of May. And I don’t have the time right now for me and my blog to go to Compostela, or try to steal a saint’s toenail or anything.

Some suggestions short of dumping my computer in Holy Water would be appreciated. And if you prefer to send suggestions anonymously, feel free to send me an e-mail – but keep in mind I’ll be posting all suggestions after removing your name & e-mail address.

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4 Comments

Posted by on May 6, 2010 in Blogology, Humor and Games

 

Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “How Do You Exorcise a Blog?

  1. Jonathan Jarrett

    May 7, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    I suggest setting your screensaver to scrolling marquee and using the rite of exorcism as the marquee text! Or sneak it into some lorem ipsum text. (Good call with Simon Magus, too.)

     
  2. Medieval History Geek

    May 7, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Good suggestion – should I chuck some salt on the machine while I'm at it?

     
  3. Jonathan Jarrett

    May 8, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Silica gel! Dry 'im out of there!

     
  4. Medieval History Geek

    May 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    There ya go – take care of a 21st century issue with a 21st century solution.Of course based on the post I just put up, maybe I'll just bore it to death. That one's pretty dry. Oh well.

     

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